Jesus Wept

John 11:35 was projected onto the screen a week few weeks ago at Easter service. A few thoughts popped into my mind were: John 11:35 is the shortest verse in the Bible. It also is a full sentence with a subject and verb. My next thoughts were social media posts I’ve read about Jesus knowing Lazarus would rise from the grave, yet He wept. I would like to tell you my thoughts stayed random and lighter weight but then our Pastor spoke reminding us that our God is an emotional God, a God about relationships. He cries with us in our sorrow. I found myself about sobbing in my seat. To hear that My God wept when I cried uncontrollably and felt my pain when I hurt so severely these past 3 years, about broke me. It’s taken me some time to process and realize though logically I realize God never left me as my marriage fell apart and I was struggling to make sense of any of it. I didn’t connect that emotionally my Savior was grieving too. Even though He knew this all was going to happen. He wept for me. I had felt left so alone. Abandoned. Unwanted in my marriage. Though I didn’t and still don’t feel like I was mad at God for just not fixing things, I just didn’t want to be in His presence. I knew I should be there more than ever but I just couldn’t. To hear that Christ wept with me in that moment on Easter Sunday and to process it more this week was beautifully heavy. To realize I might have felt alone but I wasn’t. Looking back on those moments. I wasn’t thriving but I was surviving. I wasn’t alone. I was wanted, loved and carried through every dark day. Every spiraling thought and every tear that fell. It’s taken a while and probably many prayers from my Mom and many close friends and family, (thank you) but I’m finally back on the right path. Learning to not dive into doing at church but simply wade in, learning to sit back and sip in the presence of my Savior. To really know Him by taking moments with Him though my day and giving my hope and dreams for my future to Him. I am determine to be a better me though all this. Most of all a better me has a personal and strong relationship with the King of Kings but I also will love myself more in many aspects. ❤️